Courtesy of the craziness that is the world at the moment, somebody found herself suddenly funemployed last week. Humph. Add to that being cooped up in the house, and it being a sucky time all-round for everyone everywhere at the moment, and I decided I needed a Bi Care Kit to lift my spirits.
So if you also need a pick-me-up while you’re cooped up – and let’s face it, who doesn’t right now – why not take some inspiration from what I got up to?*
*and I bring you fine photo evidence for those future generations who will want proof that this is what UNICORNs got up to in quarantine
1. Dye your hair
No job? No prob. Try a funky funemployment do – I’ve gone magenta. The salon currently isn’t an option, so make sure you Vaseline that hairline, or you’ll have fluorescent skin for weeks (and remember to always do a patch test first).
Oh, and wear gloves, or you’ll end up with pink hands like me… Oops.
2. Binge on Torchwood on iPlayer
For those of you who’ve seen it, you know why, and for those of you who haven’t, three words: ALL PANSEXUAL CAST. Not to mention sex aliens and pterodactyls, and iconic quotes that are intensely satisfying to yell at biphobes (“you people and your quaint little categories”).
Binge your way through Seasons 1 & 2 on iPlayer – and prepare to develop an irresistible urge to visit Cardiff once lockdown is over.
P.S. Nyx the Giant Cat does not feature as a villain (even if she does sometimes crash UNICORN meetings by waving her bum in front of the webcam). Meow.
3. Get comfy
Hell, you should always be able to wear whatever you feel good in, especially in times like this when you need a boost. Screw society, whether it’s midday or midnight, grab your comfy PJs (or that comfy hoodie) and squirrel up in your duvet.
4. Get some exercise
The gym might be closed (what a shame, eh?), but there are plenty of ways to burn some energy without leaving the house. Fancy some aerobics, or should I say Ae-Lo-Bics, with Lolo Brow? Some sexy Quarantease burlesque classes with House Of Burlesque? Some kick-ass kickboxing with Woof Cabaret? Or how about some accessible HIIT and fancy stretching with Tito Bone (with integrated BSL and audio description)?
Exercise never looked or felt so awesomely camp – even if you will be a Sweaty Betty like me at the end of it!
5. Read UNICORN
Insert shameless plug here, here and here. You’re welcome.
6. Queer ASMR
Nothing is more relaxing than having your makeup done for you by the fabulous Eileen Bothways, even if they’re reaching you via the magic of the internet. Chuck in some clicks and taps and it’s tingle-tastic. And even for those who don’t get tingles, you can admire the awesome make-up skills, henny.
7. Drag Yourself Up
Because nothing’s more satisfying than popping up on Zoom dressed up as your friend/partner/family without telling them it’s about to happen. Priceless. You might even find you dig the king/queen thing more than you expect and take a few awesome selfies.
8. Party Online
The whole world is moving online now, so go party! Check out Queer House Party, throw a queer rave with your mates or have a Netflix party, draped in a big Pride flag and dripping with glitter! Maybe not in a carpeted room though, eh? Although, on the plus side, plenty of time in the house to clean up at the moment…
And yes, I have disco lights. Are you really that surprised?
I may still be as funemployed as when I started, but doing stuff that makes me feel warm and safe and totally myself has helped enormously. So why not try some of my ideas, or some of your own?
But whatever you do, be sure to listen to recommendation #5 either way… 😜
Written by Maddie Jones
