By Oli Lipski
Is it just me, or is there something about being bisexual and loving to masturbate? Or at least loving to talk about it?
I always thought I was the abnormally horny one at school, and openly pinned it down to being a sex-craved Scorpio. Nevertheless, I also felt there was something about my bisexuality. Very possibly, I’d internalised the stereotype of the “hypersexual bisexual”….
Whatever, the reason, while I may have felt odd and alone at the time, in hindsight, that sexual intrigue gave me the room to dive into a rabbit hole of erotic self-exploration.
As it turns out, I was not the only one.
According to a global study in 2018 by pleasure brand, TENGA, on average most adults began masturbating when they were around 15 years old, “yet this was 13 years olds for gay and bisexual respondents”. Not only that but gay and bisexual people are also “23% more likely to masturbate weekly than straight people”.
When it comes to talking about masturbation, gay and bisexual people ranked over 71% when asked if they talk openly about it to friends and partners, feeling that society would benefit if people did so more, compared to less than 44% of heterosexuals.
So here I am, just a statistic—a sexually open bisexual talking openly about masturbation.
Psychologist and founder of Pink Therapy, Dominic Davies shared that he thinks “LGBT people are generally more experimental as we’re not relying on the heteronormative ‘gold standard’ of penis-in-vagina sex.”
I love this idea of being “more experimental”. Queering the ways we were taught (or not taught) to have sex. Creating room for creative bisexual self-expression, on our own terms.
This could also explain why 72% of people who used sex toys were bisexual and 64% who were gay or lesbian, compared to just 45% of heterosexual sex toy users, in the 2019 study by Sextechguide. Using toys for enhancing pleasure outside of the confines of “traditional” and “acceptable” means of sex.
While I may be preaching to the choir, as a sex writer I feel it’s useful to share some of my favourite DIBiY (Do It Bi Yourself) creative tools with you bisexual babes.
Just remember, there’s no pressure to try it all, or any of it for that matter—just see what floats your bisexy boat.
The DIBiY Creative Toolbox
- Pick n Mix Masturbation
If you’re stuck in a rut of touching yourself, dip into a treat of pick n mixing it up every now and again. For example, have you ever thought about masturbating in different positions, or using your other hand? Sit on your dominant hand, get on all fours, or maybe position yourself in front of a mirror?
Enjoy a selection of lubricants: oil, water, silicone, CBD, you can see how each feels on your skin, nipples and genitals.
Edge yourself twice, thrice, or as many times as you can by reaching near the point of no return. Then through deep breathing calm yourself down and start all over again, building up until you choose to explode—letting the pleasure roll through your entire body.
- A Date With (All) Your Sex Toys
Depending on what body parts you have, some toys are designed specifically for penises, such as pleasure rings, fleshlights and masturbatory eggs), or for vulvas, such as clitoral toys (suction or vibration), G-spot toys and rabbits. However, most vibrators can in fact be used on any part of the body… as the skin is one large sensual organ, try stimulating different areas to see if any pleasure arises.
And of course, anal toys are for everyone with a butt! There are different shapes for different sensations. Some are curved to stimulate the prostate or the G-spot. Some are weighted for the sensation of fullness. And others vibrate to stimulate the nerve endings.
Ever tried using more than one at once? The dream team (in my humble opinion) is combining nipple clamps, a butt plug, a clit vibe, and a glass dildo… with lashings of CBD lube. Treat yourself to an orgy of sex toys.
- P(l)ay For Your Porn
Free porn is so last decade, don’t you think? We are now in an awakened age, where surely we all know sex workers should be paid a fair wage. So instead of relying on your go-to tube site, it’s easy to surf the web for paid-for ethical porn sites. Try new sites (like XOAfterglow), try new categories, even try new playful embodiment strategies to experience a more fun relationship with adult entertainment.
Erotic Bodyworker, Joseph Kramer (who has a whole course on Healthy Porn Watching on Beducated) shares one life changing practice to change up your porn-watching habit and get erotically embodied: it’s to stand up and move while watching porn. He says that “the more relaxed and playful your movement becomes, the more your body can vibrate with feelings of joy and pleasure.”
- Hands-Free Fantasy
Fantasising without touching your body. See how hot you can get yourself just using your mind. Let your imagination run wild. Picture crushes, celebrities, cartoon characters, alien tentacles… you name it. The only rule is no touching! Yeah, your mind might wander to your to-do list, but as a mindfulness practice, try feeling the fullness of your genitals. Who knows, you might surprise yourself with a mindgasm.
- Erotica Exploration & Audio Arousal
If you’ve ever read a risque novella, I’m sure you’ve felt the excited twinge when you glance upon some dirty words. With erotica sites like Berlinable, you won’t be short of a good kinky story, and you can even sync up the audio versions with smart sex toys to vibrate harder during the racier scenes.
In my previous article for Unicorn Zine called My Bi Guide To Sexual Wellness, I talk about apps like Ferly and Dipsea as sexual wellness audio guides with programmes to help build sexual self-esteem, mindful masturbation along with erotic stories.
Have you ever tried writing your own erotica? Try using inspiration from your hands-free fantasy, and remember no one else has to read it… unless you want them to! If you’re proud of your love-child, why not upload it to Literotica. Or if you’re feeling even more daring, record your self-pleasure and upload it to the Sounds of Pleasure Tumblr page for others to enjoy during their self-pleasure—and possibly even make audios of them getting off to your audio. Sexception style…
So, there you have it! My go-to favourite creative DIBiY tools for when I want to mix up my self-pleasuring routine. Roam free, be as experimental as you please, and then shout about it from the rooftops, because, that’s right, we bisexuals just lurrrve talking about masturbation. But, remember: if you don’t, that’s okay too!
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